June 11, 2001 a girl who’s named Joyce Anne was born. She has that beutiful smile that everyone will surely love. She has that laugh that brightens up everyone’s day. And yes, it’s me. I am once a happy-go-lucky girl, an achiever and so passionate about studying. My parents are not really that supportive type who’s always there for their kids. They were always busy with their works. And me as their daughter, always giving and doing my best in school because I want them to be proud of me. I want them to appreciate my efforts but then, not everything we do is appreciated. As I grow up, my mental health got worse. I lost interest even on the things I love and it affected my study, my friends, my life, me. People are lowkey disappointed on me thinking I’m just lazy and tardy but little did they know I’ve been trying my best to get back to my normal and usual track but the demon inside me have been swallowing me alive for ages and dragging me down. People asking me “what’s wrong?” and I tend to fake the reason because I don’t want them to see my weak side. I just isolate myself, lay in bed, and just secretly asking “why is everything so heavy?”.
The sad truth about being depressed is people will think that you just want an attention. No one realizes that under my smile, I am struggling with pain and exhaustion. No one knows that under my kindness, I am suffering from loneliness and confusion. And in the end, it is me against myself. Fighting for myself. Yes, I am a suicidal and, I am not proud of it. Suicide is not just a word. It contains deep thoughts about death. Yes, I once tried to kill myself. I wanted to end my life. Maybe suicide is really the answer. I wasn’t ashamed of what I was doing but it made me feel happy or I thought it did. A lot is going on in my mind, in my life and it is out of my control. I talked to God and called a friend. Yes, they listened, comforted and helped me. I still feel vulnerable but I hope I get to heal. To every one who are currently dealing with their own struggles, let yourself be helped. Keeping everything bottled up isn’t okay.
God guides me the right path to him, to happiness, to everything. “I loved you at your darkest.” – Romans 5:8. God never give up on me. Have faith because God has a plan for every one of us. God has the most amazing plan, better than anything we could ever come up. If you have problems, go to your creator. Before you connect with the world, connect with the God. Prayer is the best way to understand everything.
It’s sad seeing posts about teenagers who committed suicide. So I am here to tell you all that no matter how hard the situation is, just trust God. All things are possible if you believe. Keep fighting and keep going. One day you will thank yourself for not giving up. Suicide will never be the solution.
Have a good day and lots of love for you.
Joyce's Journey 